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Missing fiancé

WonkoTheSane

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Your right! I just don't want to be told that my story isn't real. I'm trying to figure out how to take it down. Sorry. I'm not thinking straight.
No worries, we all think poorly under stress.

I live in Katsushika, but Mike is far better equipped linguistically and culturally to handle this problem for you than I am. If it comes to a point where he feels I could be useful in the area I'll be glad to help.
 

MartyClyde

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No worries, we all think poorly under stress.

I live in Katsushika, but Mike is far better equipped linguistically and culturally to handle this problem for you than I am. If it comes to a point where he feels I could be useful in the area I'll be glad to help.
Thank you for understanding. I'm going to stay in Katsushika in an Airbnb when I visit Japan to try and find her. It might seem a little drastic but I can't feel happy without her. Life is finite and I would regret it if I didn't try everything.
 

mdchachi

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She could be in hospital. My mum says that phones are prohibited in some parts of hospitals.

She might have fainted somewhere between her university and home. The last thing she told me was that she would call me at 5:30pm because that is when she would finish studying.

Can you think of any other explanations?
Hospital is a possibility. How about a lost or broken phone? You can't get to Line without your phone.
 

MartyClyde

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Hospital is a possibility. How about a lost or broken phone? You can't get to Line without your phone.
She bought a new iPhone was waiting at the post office last I heard. I've emailed her too.
 

MartyClyde

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I tried calling again. Still just rings.
There's a dial tone? I don't get a dial tone
I tried calling again. Still just rings.
I tried with a colleges phone and it came up as engaged and no message. Her mother might be up to this. She might have blocked me or something. I don't think her mother wants us to be together, but I'm not sure about that. She's made it clear to my fiancé that she wants her to marry one of her or her husband's rich friend's sons. When she told her mother about me she was angry like my fiancé expected her to be. She said that's nice and he looks like your type, in what my fiancé says was a dismissive tone.
Or she could have blocked me or it could be something else. I'm going to buy a cheap phone to make international calls and texts and try to call her.
 

Mike Cash

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Are you sure she goes to "Tokyo University" and not "a university in Tokyo"? It seems every single time there's a mention of a Japanese woman going to college on this forum we are told it is "Tokyo University". It is practically a meme at this point. Anyway, today is Saturday and the school offices are almost certainly closed.

I'm getting regular ringing. There's just no one answering the phone.

Frankly, if the mother controls her life to this extent the smartest thing you could do is to lick your wounds, cry into a beer, and get on with your life. She'll be a constant wedge and will undercut you at every opportunity. The slow acid drip from in-laws has destroyed many international marriages in Japan.

EDIT

Now it doesn't even ring. Just gives the "We called but couldn't connect" message. Either I'm blocked too or maybe the battery is just dead.
 
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MartyClyde

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Are you sure she goes to "Tokyo University" and not "a university in Tokyo"? It seems every single time there's a mention of a Japanese woman going to college on this forum we are told it is "Tokyo University". It is practically a meme at this point. Anyway, today is Saturday and the school offices are almost certainly closed.

I'm getting regular ringing. There's just no one answering the phone.

Frankly, if the mother controls her life to this extent the smartest thing you could do is to lick your wounds, cry into a beer, and get on with your life. She'll be a constant wedge and will undercut you at every opportunity. The slow acid drip from in-laws has destroyed many international marriages in Japan.

EDIT

Now it doesn't even ring. Just gives the "We called but couldn't connect" message. Either I'm blocked too or maybe the battery is just dead.
I can't give up like that. I can support us both. We've discussed it. She's said she's ok with getting disinherited to marry me. But wishes that I can support her. Which if totally far and totally doable. She told me Tokyo University. She told me that she was so excited when she got accepted that she stayed awake for 2 days straight playing some video game she likes and finished it and was the first person to do so. She's very proud of that. She made something called a "key" for it, which is something that instructs other player as to how to play the game. She's mentioned Tokyo university a few time so I think that's the one.
 

MartyClyde

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I went to purchase a new sim to make international calls from Woolworths. Before I could buy the sim a guy from Mexico stopped me and recommended a different sim for making international calls. It was a $45 plan. I told him that I'm only going to use the sim to get in contact with my fiancé who's missing in Japan. He said that I could use his phone and we called her number 3 times. Every time we the message "calling" showed on the interface but the was no dial tone, no matter how long we waited. After that I spent half an hour telling him my story. He kept saying just wait and don't worry "all you can do is wait". Then he came up with the suggesting of sending her flowers. That's what I'm going to do next. I'll call up a flower delivery service in Tokyo and have the send some with a personal message telling her I will always love her and just want to know if she's ok.
She collects plant (mostly flowers), her favourite flowers are is gardenias
 

MartyClyde

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Doing what?



1. You can do that online these days....

2. What problem is this going to solve?
I'm currently a bar tender. I get good pay especially working weekends and long nights. I have really good job security there. I still need to choose a degree to study at university but I will. I'm ambitious and so is she. We've talked about making a start up together. Nothing serious as of yet. Maybe something to do with her art or a Japanese style store in Australian, maybe a restaurant.

Yeah I've been looking at the websites and I sent one of them a message asking if they can make a bouquet of gardinias and red roses to send to my fiancé. I haven't heard anything back but it's only been a few hours and it's night. I'll send more messages to other online stores. I really want to get her gardinias.

EDIT
And some stores have wines that you can send with the flowers. She loves sweet ice wines so I'll see if I can send her a bottle of ice wine.
 

MartyClyde

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I swear if I know Ran very well and I do, I don't know her vital contact details but I know more about who she is as a person and her deepest thoughts. Than I know that something must be physically stopping her from contacting me. I know she would never just leave me. I know that she would be worrying about me. We have the kind of relationship were we can talk for 6+ hours non-stop, without any effort and enjoy every moment of it and want more! We've never fought! She used to lightly teases me sometimes and she said that if she stop doing that that would mean she didn't like me.
Something must be physically stopping her and I don't like to think about what that might be. But I can't stop.
 

Mike Cash

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You overlooked my question. What are the gifts intended to solve?
 

MartyClyde

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You overlooked my question. What are the gifts intended to solve?
I'll get them delivered to her address. If she's there and there's some reason she can't contact me otherwise at lease she will know that she's in my thoughts and that when I said that I would never leave her and that I will alway love her I meant it.
Maybe she's not there but if her mum's visiting Tokyo she's most definitely be there. She uses Ran's appartment as her town house, and has a key, because she lives in the countryside. If her mother doesn't want to stop her from seeing me than she will give the flowers and the message to her daughter. If she does want to stop her from seeing me than that could be my chance to change her mind by showing her that I love her daughter more than anyone else could, and she should let us be together.

EDIT

I'll ask to see if the delivery service can tell me if the flowers have been recieved and by whom?
 

Majestic

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All LINE messages and contacts are lost when you change phones unless you use the LINE back-up option. It used to trip up a lot of people. It could be one reason she is not showing up in LINE.
 

MartyClyde

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All LINE messages and contacts are lost when you change phones unless you use the LINE back-up option. It used to trip up a lot of people. It could be one reason she is not showing up in LINE.
Your right. and she dropped her phone and smashed it recently. It still worked for calls and messages on LINE though. Maybe it's dead. She has the new iPhone waiting in the post office. My line ID name is unnecessarily stupid and my "display name" is different so she might have forgotten it. But it still lets me message and call her account and I still do all the time. I told promised her that I would never let her go and that I would always message and call.

EDIT
Of course that doesn't explain every other way she could contact me. My Facebook is the same as my name and so is my email.
 

Mike Cash

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If mom is blocking you and Ran hasn't sneaked past her to contact you against her mother's wishes....you're done and flowers aren't going to help.

This is a country where arranged marriages are by no means uncommon, where social status counts, and where no mother who got a daughter into the country's most prestigious university and who is almost certainly paying for it is going to let her daughter throw away a promising future career or a socially desirable marriage prospect in order to go be with some bartending cyber-boyfriend she's known for three months and has never even met. From the mother's perspective, whether you can support her is irrelevant and how much you love her is irrelevant. (Speaking as a parent of children the age of you two, I would view anyone in your circumstances with extreme suspicion. Such over-the-top declarations of profound love based on such short acquaintance and zero face-to-face contact would strike me as signs of immaturity, naivete, and mental instability. Talk of already being engaged to be married under the circumstances is beyond bizarre. Quite frankly, I would find you creepy. That Romeo and Juliet stuff works on the girls and may even work on the mothers where you're from, but not on the mothers here. This isn't a place where love conquers all, where the boy always gets the girl, or where love stories all have happy endings).

Mother has had 22 years to build a very real influence over her. You've had three months of being live-action, interactive, escapist fantasy like some kind of online romantic manga. You are much easier for her to walk away from than her mother is. If Mom is against you, your chances are poor at best.

I hope everything works out well for you both and I hope that the lack of contact is due to nothing more than some simple technical trouble with her recent iPhone change. But take my advice on this one thing: if you want to impress her mother, the Romeo route is not the way to do it. Tone down the professions of love, show up and meet the mother in person, and impress her with sincerity, maturity, and a plan for how you're going to lift yourself up to what she thinks the Tokyo University educated daughter of an attorney should be married to. You're going to have to rise to meet her standards; she isn't going to lower them to accommodate you or anyone else.

EDIT

I just tried her number again. Rings, no answer.
 
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WonkoTheSane

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I was talking to a Japanese woman I know a while back and she has a 16-year-old daughter. She said that the father died when the daughter was 13. I said that life is very hard for kids when they lose a parent. The mother shrugged and said life is hard anyway.

Mothers here, especially of teenage/young adult daughters, strike me as very pragmatic. There is a very defined role and related responsibilities, one of which is to make sure their children follow the correct path.

I'd listen carefully to Mike if I were you.
 

MartyClyde

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If mom is blocking you and Ran hasn't sneaked past her to contact you against her mother's wishes....you're done and flowers aren't going to help.

This is a country where arranged marriages are by no means uncommon, where social status counts, and where no mother who got a daughter into the country's most prestigious university and who is almost certainly paying for it is going to let her daughter throw away a promising future career or a socially desirable marriage prospect in order to go be with some bartending cyber-boyfriend she's known for three months and has never even met. From the mother's perspective, whether you can support her is irrelevant and how much you love her is irrelevant. (Speaking as a parent of children the age of you two, I would view anyone in your circumstances with extreme suspicion. Such over-the-top declarations of profound love based on such short acquaintance and zero face-to-face contact would strike me as signs of immaturity, naivete, and mental instability. Talk of already being engaged to be married under the circumstances is beyond bizarre. Quite frankly, I would find you creepy. That Romeo and Juliet stuff works on the girls and may even work on the mothers where you're from, but not on the mothers here. This isn't a place where love conquers all, where the boy always gets the girl, or where love stories all have happy endings).

Mother has had 22 years to build a very real influence over her. You've had three months of being live-action, interactive, escapist fantasy like some kind of online romantic manga. You are much easier for her to walk away from than her mother is. If Mom is against you, your chances are poor at best.

I hope everything works out well for you both and I hope that the lack of contact is due to nothing more than some simple technical trouble with her recent iPhone change. But take my advice on this one thing: if you want to impress her mother, the Romeo route is not the way to do it. Tone down the professions of love, show up and meet the mother in person, and impress her with sincerity, maturity, and a plan for how you're going to lift yourself up to what she thinks the Tokyo University educated daughter of an attorney should be married to. You're going to have to rise to meet her standards; she isn't going to lower them to accommodate you or anyone else.

EDIT

I just tried her number again. Rings, no answer.
She's definitely paying for the university. Her stepfather bought her the appartment and because she thinks she owns Ran she uses the appartment as she pleases without knocking. She's very controlling it's true. After coming back from there trip to Hong Kong to see that medial specialist about her disease, she decided to walk into Ran's appartment, throw her out of bed and told her to book them a hotel in Tottori for a "hot spring trip" (so she didn't have to go alone). Ran at this point was dibilitatingly tired and feeling weak. Her mother didn't care.
Her mother has theated her with disinheriting her before. Her mother is very clever, and in Ran own words "crazy". Your right she probably sees me as a croutch in her plans.

When she was younger growing up in Spain Ran's mother would lock her in her room and not let her out of the house all day because she didn't like her assosiating with the local Spanish people. She would make Ran take all kinds of special classes to learn new skills such as piano, lute, English, Maths and others. So yeah she's very controlling. But she hadn't talked to Ran for 6 months until sometime about two months ago. I guess now she's back I Ran's life. Maybe she's trying to cut me out of it.

Our conversations aren't only pure romance. We talk about all kinds of things. She's an independent thinker and has a lot to say. For the amount of time we talk we can't just speak in proclamations of love. When we do that it's genuine and 'in the moment'. But still very frequently. I tell her I wish I could just stop what I'm saying and tell her I love her or interrupt her and tell her I love her constantly, because that's what I'm thinking in the back of my mind at every moment. I don't though because then we wouldn't get though any conversations.

I see that your approach to my situation is very rational and I apprecitate that. I want to go about this in the most rational, effective way possible, while at the the same time not giving up. Unfortunately that means by default doing some irrational things.
 

MartyClyde

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I was talking to a Japanese woman I know a while back and she has a 16-year-old daughter. She said that the father died when the daughter was 13. I said that life is very hard for kids when they lose a parent. The mother shrugged and said life is hard anyway.

Mothers here, especially of teenage/young adult daughters, strike me as very pragmatic. There is a very defined role and related responsibilities, one of which is to make sure their children follow the correct path.

I'd listen carefully to Mike if I were you.
I think that you guys are really making sense on the topic. I haven't considered it very deeply because it sound so conspiratorial and strange to me. But it's starting become a more likely senerio in my mind that Ran's mother is keeping her from me.
 

MartyClyde

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If mom is blocking you and Ran hasn't sneaked past her to contact you against her mother's wishes....you're done and flowers aren't going to help.

This is a country where arranged marriages are by no means uncommon, where social status counts, and where no mother who got a daughter into the country's most prestigious university and who is almost certainly paying for it is going to let her daughter throw away a promising future career or a socially desirable marriage prospect in order to go be with some bartending cyber-boyfriend she's known for three months and has never even met. From the mother's perspective, whether you can support her is irrelevant and how much you love her is irrelevant. (Speaking as a parent of children the age of you two, I would view anyone in your circumstances with extreme suspicion. Such over-the-top declarations of profound love based on such short acquaintance and zero face-to-face contact would strike me as signs of immaturity, naivete, and mental instability. Talk of already being engaged to be married under the circumstances is beyond bizarre. Quite frankly, I would find you creepy. That Romeo and Juliet stuff works on the girls and may even work on the mothers where you're from, but not on the mothers here. This isn't a place where love conquers all, where the boy always gets the girl, or where love stories all have happy endings).

Mother has had 22 years to build a very real influence over her. You've had three months of being live-action, interactive, escapist fantasy like some kind of online romantic manga. You are much easier for her to walk away from than her mother is. If Mom is against you, your chances are poor at best.

I hope everything works out well for you both and I hope that the lack of contact is due to nothing more than some simple technical trouble with her recent iPhone change. But take my advice on this one thing: if you want to impress her mother, the Romeo route is not the way to do it. Tone down the professions of love, show up and meet the mother in person, and impress her with sincerity, maturity, and a plan for how you're going to lift yourself up to what she thinks the Tokyo University educated daughter of an attorney should be married to. You're going to have to rise to meet her standards; she isn't going to lower them to accommodate you or anyone else.

EDIT

I just tried her number again. Rings, no answer.
The people her mother has me competing with are born wealthy. There her and her husbands rich friend's Sons. They're highly educated. She tried to have one of her rich friend's sons, a gay boy, stay in Ran's guestroom regardless of whether or not Ran gave permission (he spoke with Ran on LINE a bit, he seemed nice and wanted to stay in Tokyo to study at Tokyo University, but he was thinking MIT also, and because he likes Japanese video games and Japanese boys). Nothing happened with that though.

The point is he was the only one I've heard more about. He went to Eton college a prestigious college in England that usually prepares students for the major English universities like Cambridge and Oxford. He speaks several languages fluently and is 1000% more likely to be way more successful than I'll ever be.

I can't compete monatarily or intellectually.

I come from a poor family by Australian standards. I went to a really poor quality public school. I don't think learned anything there. I've taught myself all I know and being an autodidact hasn't gotten me very far. I didn't attend any special classes to learn cool skills because we couldn't afford any of that, and my mum didn't show any interest in admitting me into any. Insead she would get drunk a lot and I'd hangout by myself.

I want to go to university but I don't know what I want to study yet. Now probably something more prosperous like a STEM subject.

I want to impress her mother so that she lets me see Ran. I want her mother to like me anyway because she seems like an interesting kind of in-law, and I want everyone to be happy.

EDIT

Her mother hates the fact that she's studying Sociology at Tokyo University. She would much rather her study law or medicine. Ran wanted to study sociology "as a hobby" because she finds human behaviour very interesting. She doesn't know what she going to do with her degree. I enthusiastically suggested becoming a journalist.
 
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mdchachi

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You can access via PC.
When my phone was out of commission I couldn't figure out a way to get line working on the PC and link it up to my existing account which is only linked to me via phone.

How do you gain access to such an account via PC?
 
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mdchachi

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I think that you guys are really making sense on the topic. I haven't considered it very deeply because it sound so conspiratorial and strange to me. But it's starting become a more likely senerio in my mind that Ran's mother is keeping her from me.
The main question is how much control her mother has. Like you said, there's FB and other methods to get in touch and her mother can't lock her out of them completely. Especially if she is getting out of the house, going to school etc. Which leads me to believe she doesn't want to get in touch right now or there's a more benign or physical reason (like phone issue, accident, etc.).
As Mike pointed out though, no parent would look favorably on this irrational situation. In almost all scenarios one can think of it's not a live-happily-ever-after situation.
 

Mike Cash

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Another unpleasant possibility is that she has been feeding you a lot of lies and BS all this time. I've seen her apartment building on Street View and I have trouble imagining a wealthy family with a daughter in the country's most prestigious university putting her in that building in that location. I wouldn't be surprised if the wealthy family background and attending Tokyo University are both just part of her fantasy life and exist only in her mind.

Had you recently been talking with her about wanting to come to Japan to see her?
 
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